Saturday, January 21, 2012

Grateful for occasional solitude

January 21st - Today I am grateful for occasional alone time. Time dedicated to myself for reflection, meditation, and development.

I get most of that reflection when I am writing on this blog, spending a good twenty minutes trying to dig deep about silly things like lip balm to more personal decisions and choices. Having to share my outlook forces me to discover what that outlook really is and why I feel the way I feel. 

Having time away from others is almost an emotional relief at times. Don't take me wrong, I love my friends and I love my family, but when you are amongst people you usually have the tendency to cater to their needs and wants. Everyone does this - this is why people try to spark conversations or find activities where both parties can participate. It is human nature's need to please but never forget the first and most important person's needs you need to cater to are your own.

My dad decided today was one of those Let's Finally Fix What's Broken Day so up to the roof we went and he started to replace each shingle that had weathered poorly through the year. As he was up on the top deck, I stood on the secondary roof in case he needed more supplies or help. Of course the process took forever and I found myself just staring at the open land around me with no one but myself. 

So I brought the computer over and took these-

After my fourth attempt to get the perfect jumping picture without falling through the skylight, I took a moment to sit and think about how life has changed. What has changed, how I have changed, and how I could make it more worthwhile.

We grow through the years: mentally, physically, and emotionally and whether each life experience is bad or good it is those exact experiences that shape us to be who we are today. I realize how much my personal values and focuses shifted through the years and after the guilt subsided I realized it was only natural to move on. You spend your youth yearning for growth, then you hit your teens and all you crave is the attention you believe only the special/popular are granted, then you are in college and life suddenly fills with uncertainty and doubt, then you are working and you realize that the entire time you were doing what you were put on this Earth to do. You were living your life and learning through those you encounter, through experiences you lived through, through the passage of time. 

I cannot say life was ever perfect. But as I sit alone outside my window I realize my life was as perfect as it could be - full of mistakes, insecurities, pain, and at the same time success, achievements, support.

I hope you had a wonderful Saturday.

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