Tuesday, August 9, 2011

How I'm going to get ahead of the game

I realize that there are billions of people in the world. How can a 5' 2" (almost!) girl stand out?

Well, this early morning I have decided to create my goals list and show the world how unique/powerful/physically intimidating I can be!

1. Learn geography. And learn it well.

I am going to know exactly how many kilometers it is between every country, every province within that country, even how many steps it takes from tree 13920 to tree 329208

2. Either grow my hair really absurdly long (think wedding train) or shave my head bald.

That way I can be referred to either as Hair Flair Girl or Hairless not Careless Girl.

3. Learn how to drive manual on the right side.

I already know how to drive automatic so I need to learn manual to be able to adapt to all cars around the world. So if I need to run away from the mobs of fans following me in every country, I can getaway easily.

4. Work out my ring finger, aka soon to be known as: KING FINGER

Everyone says the ring finger (fourth from the thumb) is the weakest of all the other phalanges. Well, screw that! I'm going to work my ring finger out so much, it will be the strongest/biggest/most intimidating finger of all!

5. Develop a shrinking pill. 

Not for me, stupid. For the rest of the world! I'd rather not experiment with drugs personally of course, so I need to spike everyone's drink on Dec 31st at 11:59am so on Jan 1st at 12am everyone can be smaller than me!

6. Learn how to ride a bull. And then an elephant. And then combine them.

This way I can create a new species that has speed, power, and a long nose.

7. Create a new language based on a mix between Morse Code and French.

8. Learn how to conceal my cleverness more.

I am afraid the government will catch onto this newfound power/genius I have and want to get a hold of me to prevent any world domination. I will try my best not to mention all this again once this post is done.

9. Travel to Venus.

I need to go there to figure out how they did the following: maintain life, become a symbol for women, create great razors and then ruin them through the years.

10. Capture your attention.


Chuck Noris, watch out.


  1. i can't believe i read the whole thing. and i could hear your voice the whole time. omg.

  2. This list shows that you are WAY behind in your plan to rule the earth.